Pain
by Narutorapegod
Summary: Slade Robin Rape. His fingers trace along my flesh as my mind screams no. But some where deep inside, my heart flutters, begging for the contact to never end. This is my sin, my pleasure, my pain.
1. Pain

**Pain**

Ok, before any one says it, I did Not copy this! I have **PERMISION** to publish this. Narutodippy (The originally auther of the story) Personally Asked me to put this on my acount. Why you ask? Because? I am a rape god, and as such, it's more than likely that people will read this here than on her acount. Got it?

Diclaimer: I, nor Narutodippy own teen titans.

Warning: Contains Rape (Big suprise, I know) And Mental degeneration. You have been warned.

**OoOoOoOoO**

_It had been the second time I betrayed them. I was obsessed and I knew it, but why? Why did this man have such control over me? Why did I want to capture him and hide him away?_

_Maybe it was because he had such control, how he could manipulate me, harm me in ways no one else could. Not Star fire, not Beast boy, not Raven or Cyborg. No, just him._

_The others were my friends. But him, that masked man held a tight hold on me. He was strangling me with his power. Now, here I am, again at his feet. But this time it's different._

_He has me struggling for air, and I'm afraid of what he could do. He changed me. I will never be who I was._

_He always had me in his hold_

"Robin Robin Robin." He spoke. His voice was like wet silk. Smooth, but at the same time uncomfortable against the skin. "You will never learn will you?" He asked, his black and gray mask glinting in the dim lighting of the ware house. Something was off. Robin knew it. He could feel it. "You will always be a toy to me Robin. And now, I will prove to you that you will never escape me."

Robin, leader of the Teen Titans, stood before his worst enemy. Slade. The very name made the teens blood boil. He wanted to prove he could beat him. The raven haired teen slid into a fighting stance, ready to attack. "I don't belong to you Slade!" Robin cried out, letting out a battle cry as he charged. Slade side stepped his punch before grabbing Robins wrist. He held tightly onto it, threatening to snap it. He threw a punch of his own, his metal gloved hand connecting without regret into Robins face. A trail of blood followed after Robin as he stumbled backwards. He wiped the blood from his bleeding lip, glaring from behind his mask.

"Raaaah!" Robin hollered, not missing a step as he shot at Slade. The man was not perturbed by the smaller teens strikes. He dodged easily, infuriating Robin. "Is this all you have Robin?" Slade taunted, back handing the teen away. "Hit Me!" Slade ordered, edging Robin on. Rabin shot at Slade blindly, like he always did. Robin was not a bad leader, on the contrary, he was excellent. He could make strategies at the drop of a hat. But when it came to Slade, his strategies, his common sense flew from his mind. His only goal was to defeat the man, meaning his mind could not hold room for thinking strait.

Robin landed a kick, though it did little good. Slade slid only a few inches as he road the kick out. He grabbed Robins leg before smashing the teen into the cement floor. There was a crack, sending Robin into instant agony. He cried out as blood poured from his skull. Slade let go of Robins leg, knowing he was not going to get up so easily now. The masked leader winced, his eyes closed tightly as he held the back of his head, trying to stop the blood from seeping out. Slade made his approach, slowly stalking towards Robin.

_He always won. He always beat me. And yet, I come back for more. I always want to see him. Even if it is out of hate._

Slade took grip of Robin by the front of his vibrant red colored costume, lifting him off the ground. "Sad isn't it Robin. All your training, All your weapons. Mean nothing." Slade said simple. "You can't fight it can you Robin? Knowing that I will always win, not mater what you do." Slade chuckled. Robin managed a glare. Slade dropped him to the floor in a heap. Robin inwardly sighed. He knew how Slade acted. No matter how many times Slade would pummel him, he would be left alive to fight another day. Slade was using him as entertainment.

His semi relaxed feeling ebbed away when he saw that Slade hadn't left, oh on the contrary, he was hovering over him, watching him. Slade kneeled down next to Robin, placing his hand on the side of the teens face, taking grip of the edge of Robins mask. The teens eyes widened. He shot his hands to the mask, holding it on. He could not let him know who he was. It would put every one he knew as 'Richard' in danger.

Slade gave the mask a yank, managing to peal it off. Robin instantly covered his face, not allowing him to see. It was the first time he had had his mask off in front of an enemy. He had never even shown his team his face before. It couldn't have been worst timing when he heard his communicator. "Robin! Dude ware are you!" Beastboys voice sounded from the communicator. Slade smirked, taking it from Robins belt. He opened it, the words already on the tip of his tongue. "Come and find him." He spoke.

"Slade!" A scream came from the communicator from Beast boy. "If you dare hurt Robin I-" Star fire was cut off mid rant as Slade closed the device. Robin cursed bitterly to himself. They were going to get involved. "Now, I think we should get started, right Robin?" Slade asked darkly. Robin did not like the sound of Slade's voice. He couldn't place it, but it sent chills down his spine.

Slade took out a knife. Robin felt his breath hitch in his throat. Was this really it? Was it the time Slade finally ended their battles, leaving him dead? Slade gripped the edge of Robins costume at the collar. Robin closed his eyes, already feeling his neck being slit. But that wasn't what happened. Though, now that he realized it, he would prefer dying. Slade was cutting away his clothes.

_And yet, when you touch me, when you feel me, I'm not afraid. When you hurt me, I don't cry, I feel alive._

Now, despite his blood lose, Robin was thinking very clearly. He went through his mind, slowly picking apart everything that had happened in the last few minutes. His mind came to a screeching halt when realization dawned on him. Robin removed his hands from his face to hide his identity. He could care less right now. He grabbed Slade's hand, holding it as still as possible. The blade Slade held had sliced the costume in two down to his navel wile he had been musing.

"Blue?" Slade asked, noticing Robins true eye color. "Stop." Robin hissed, trying his best to be threatening. Slade chuckled at the teens reaction. He could see that Robin was afraid. He back handed Robin with his free hand, knocking the mask less teen for a loop. Slade grabbed both of Robins hands, tying them to a near by pole above Robins head. When Robin came back from his temporary dizziness, it was too late. He was already bound. "Let me go!" Robin cried out.

_Now that I have the chance to say the truth, why does my tongue tie itself in knots?_

Slade didn't make a snide comment this time. Instead he flat out ignored him as he cut the rest of the costume off Robins body. Robin was trying his best to think strait, but fear was blocking any rational thought. He wanted to scream and thrash, he wanted to beg, but what little dignity he had left stopped him. His only wish was that his team would find him. Yet at the same time, he prayed they wouldn't. He would never want them to see him like this. So defeated and at this mans mercy. It was humiliating and he could never live it down.

Robin flinched when he felt Slade start cutting away his boxers. Robins resolve was shattering. He wasn't even hiding it any more that he was afraid. But he bit back his pleas. He would not give Slade that satisfaction. Slade smirked when he finally had the fabric away from Robin's form. The teen instinctively closed his legs as best he could, fearing what he knew was coming. Slade forced Robin's legs apart.

"Let go of me." Robin growled, trying to seem strong. "What would the fun be in that Robin?" Slade asked with a calm taunting voice, like he always did. Slade fidgeted with his pants before releasing his erection. Any calmness Robin had forced himself to feel, any resolve he had made vanished. The thought finally hit him. 'I'm going to be raped.'

_Why am I afraid to admit I might like it? Why am I afraid that I might want more?_

"Let me go!" Robin screamed, starting to thrash. It was too late for any real attempt to get away. Slade grabbed Robins hips tightly. His hands would leave bruises. He pressed against Robin's entrance. "No!" Robin hollered, his eyes filled with fear and hatred all at once. Slade guided himself so the tip was in the right spot. He thrusted forward.

Robin screamed. He screamed like he had never screamed before. He felt Slade inside him, violating him. He could feel blood on his inner thighs. Slade didn't give even the slightest pause for Robin to at least adjust. He started thrusting like a dog in heat. Robin clenched his eyes shut, bitting back screams as the man moved deep inside of him. "H-How does it feel Robin?" Slade panted in the teens ear. "Do you like knowing that I can do this to you?" Slade taunted. Robin turned his head away from Slade. The man above Robin scowled slightly, pulling almost completely out before slamming in. "AH!" Robin screamed, throwing his head back in agony. "S-Stop." Robin begged, finally braking. Slade went faster, loving the feeling of violating the teen.

_Feeling you close hurts in ways I didn't think someone could feel, but not feeling you at all will hurt worse_

Robin did not hide in any longer. Tears slipped from his crystal blue eyes as he crumbled under the man. It lasted for what seemed like an eternity to Robin. Slade moving in and out of him, gripping at his hips and taunting him. All of it was too much for him to take. But with all things, it did come to an end. Slade forced himself inside as deep as he could go and came, filling Robin with his seed. Robin winced, hissing in pain at the feeling.

_So as I cry, I'm smiling on the inside, knowing we were close. Now I know we had something, though it's slowly killing me._

Slade pulled out from Robins abused hole, blood and come alike falling on the cold cement floor. "I hope to do this again." Slade said, his way of saying goodbye after he always hurt Robin. After he always won. After he would take something more from Robin.

_I don't know why I always came to you. Why I always followed your orders. _

_Maybe it was because I wanted your trust. _

_Maybe I wanted a friend. _

_Maybe, I just couldn't admit that you meant something to me. _

_Now, as I lay bleeding from you betrayal, I feel my heart flutter. I feel anything I might have had with you burn me. And for some reason..._

_I wouldn't want it any other way._

**OoOoOoOoO**

I love Narutodippy's writing style. The darkness is strong in her. Reviews are welcome, flamers can go screw themselves. And if you want a story, please, feel free to ask. The list may be long, but i'm working on it!

A little side note I'd like to say. Has any one ever actually read the guidlines? I just did and wow, this sight has alot of rule breakers includes me! Apearently you're not supposed to have title's or summaries that are not rated G. Well, oops. Oh well, it's not like they check each individual story that is published. I mean honestly, that would take too much man power.


	2. Mistakes

**Pain**

Chapter two: Mistakes

If any one missed it in chapter one, I'll say it again, I DO NOT OWN THIS. This happens to be done by a dear friend of mine Known as Narutodippy. Any ways, please enjoy chapter two (That I edited slightly, as I have been allowed to do)

Edit: Sorry it took me so long to post this. I had an emotional break down. Sorry

Disclaimer: Oh the things Narutodippy and I would do to Robin…(Insert evil laughter)

Warning: Hints of rape and rape

**OoOoOoOoO**

"Robin! Robin! Where are you!"

_Beast boy..._

"Robin! Please! Say something!"

_Raven_

"Yo Robin!"

_Cyborg_

"Please speak Robin!"

_...Star fire..._

Robin pulled his legs closer to his rear, the blood long since dried and painfully clinging to the raw skin. He kept his head to the side; his eyes dim as he felt the cold of the winter night do its work on his bare body. A shudder shook him as he hiccupped from his former sobbing. He felt so small, so pathetic. Here he was, laying in some warehouse listening to his friends yelling for him. The communicator was out of his reach. He had attempted to grab it. It was so useless to try.

When they find him, if they find him, he'd be dead. He was already numb and blue from the cold. He could see his breath with each shuddering gasp he forced in his lungs. Despite the numb, he still felt the pain. That dull throbbing agony between his legs. The scaring reminder that he had been...

Robin shook his head at the thought. He wasn't going to admit it. He refused to accept what that man had done to him. How he had been used for pleasure.

_I'm sorry for all this._

"Please...Answer Robin." The device crackled. It was softer than before. Maybe the charge was dying, or it could be that he was slipping away. Robin didn't seem too bothered at the though of nearing death. He would freeze here. He would probably not be found until spring when his body began to rot. By then, he would be deformed. Maybe even eaten by a stray dog or rats. Robin chuckled bitterly at the thought.

Maybe, they would find him, when he was frozen stiff. Dead on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He didn't want that. He didn't want them to see. Robin coughed sharply, his body shaking with the force. His throat was raw and burned with every wheezed breath. It was dry and his chest hurt. His head throbbed horribly along with the rest of his body. His eyes couldn't focus.

_I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry I let myself do this._

Robin felt his eyes begin to water again as he felt hopelessness slowly consume him. He tried to keep the tears at bay, to hide showing further weakness. His tears pushed harder, a lone droplet escaping his defenses. As if a flood gate had opened, he began to sob anew. He wanted to just go home. He wanted to forget that this had happened. He wanted to go back to being the flawless leader his team mates saw. Right now, he was a kid, afraid and alone, having to face the very real truth that he was going to die. He wanted to see Star fire again, Beast boy, Cyborg, Raven. He just wanted some one here to at least be with him before he left this world.

"Robin!"

Robin's eyes grew wider as he heard the voice. That was not from the communicator. The teen looked at the communicator on the ground, the object open. He felt a wave of realization wash over him as he saw the screen. On the small object was a map and a red blinking dot. He shook his head as he silently abolished himself for his forgetfulness. He hadn't remembered that the communicator doubled as a tracking device. He should have known his team would use it. Robin felt a wave of nervousness wash over him, forcing another set of shivers to rattle his frail battered form. He was unsure whether to be happy or upset. He didn't want to be found, but at the same time yearned to have some one there. "Robin!" A second call met his ears. It was closer than before. Another violent shiver tore through him as he heard the voices of his friends and teammate's. He didn't know what he should want. A part of him screamed for him to hide. The other, which was winning the mental argument, begged for someone to find him. He saw a large puff of misted air escape his lips. He mentally realized he couldn't feel himself breathing any more. He pushed the disturbing though aside as he resigned to waiting. They would find him soon enough. How they would react was what he truly feared.

_I'm sorry that I love him, that I hate him._

A bright blue light shined over to wear the boy wonder laid. Its bright rays made Robin wince ever so slightly. He recognized the light. "Robin!" He heard. He bit his lip, feeling the emotions almost physically from the utterance of his name. He heard loud footsteps rush to his side. Robin laid with his eyes half open, trying to remain emotionally neutral, it his silent way of dealing with others when upset. He absently noted his breathing was almost unnoticeable in front of his face. When had his breathing become so shallow? A warm object came across his shoulder. It took a moment, but soon Robin realized it was a hand. As soon as he did, the object left him slowly.

"Is he...?"

Robin recognized it as Beast boy's voice. He could hear that the green shape shifter was on the edge of tears. Maybe, just maybe, he could allow them to believe he was already gone. Maybe he could slip away into the darkness that was pulling at him. Maybe it wouldn't matter. He heard a soft gasp. The sound tied the young teen's stomach in knots. He knew that voice so well. 'Star fire...' He though distantly. His eyes widened slightly when he heard a soft whimper. 'Is she…crying?' He asked himself. A frown slowly spread on his chapped lips. He couldn't let her think he was gone. He couldn't leave her like this when he was still alive. When he could still fight.

He began to draw in a deep breath, even though could almost not feel his body obeying his commands. His voice was weak, but he needed to say something, anything. Only one word came to mind. "S-Star fire..." He breathed. It was soft, almost inaudible, but it was all he could force out.

Cyborg raised his head from where it had been lowered, his solemn look filling with hope "Robin?" Cyborg asked, his unasked question hanging in the air, praying it would be answered. He again placed his hand on Robin's shoulder, hoping his mind was not playing tricks on him. He felt the form beneath his strong hand shift. He watched with a racing heart as Robin turned slightly towards him, his vibrant blue eyes gazing at his with a spark of fighting spirit. Hope.

"Raven! Get a blanket!" Cyborg ordered, his short lived replaced with the reality of the situation. He did not have time to waist less his celebration come in place of Robin's survival. Robin would have had a feeling of pride toward his team mate if he wasn't so weak. He always knew that when it came down to it, Cyborg would be an excellent leader.

Robin felt a blanket draped over his body as his wrists were untied. It was quiet, making it really seem like he was dead. He wasn't that far off. Robin was barely conscious. He fought to stay awake, not daring to let himself die now.

_He hurt me, and yet I still want him_

He felt Cyborg's hands slip underneath his back to lift him. Robins blue eyes sparked to life in an instant as he was lifted. The pain was unreal. He had completely lost all control as he cried out. It was soft, but it still sent shivers down his teammate's spine. Robin clenched his eyes shut, gripping the blanket as tight as his form could. He gasped hard labored breaths, trying to suppress the pain.

_What is wrong with me?_

The leader of the Titans felt the pull stronger than ever now to slip into unconsciousness. It was due to the unreal pain of motion. Despite the dull numbness, he felt his torn flesh burn stronger than the fires of hell. His silent scream met it's end soon enough, his voice giving out, it already gone due to his original cries in agony. Now he simply laid lifelessly in his teammates arm, his hands still tightly gripping the blanket. The fabric was no use. His body had no heat to give off.

_Am I really this pathetic?_

The moment slipped from Robin conscious. He simply let himself be carried, his tension leaving him. The only sign there was still life in him was the occasional puff of misted air above his blue lips. He could feel the tension in the air around him. Right now, he didn't care. He wanted to rest now. He wanted to sleep. He fought to keep his eyes open. When he was brought outside, he was reluctant to feel the air was colder. The stars were bright tonight, almost beautiful. He had never looked at the sky before in such a way.

He stared at the twinkling dots, the images being obscured by his breath once in a wile. He heard the sound of a car door open. He smiled to himself. Cyborg always had his car. He felt his back placed on the seat. The leather was warm on his skin, causing it to burn from the sudden sensation. He felt Cyborg shift his form slightly before he was buckled in. He was slightly laying down, which couldn't be all that safe.

_Have I really sunk this low?_

The engine revved to life before he felt the vehicle move. Soon the starry sky was replaced with tall sky scrapers and street lights. It was a different kind of starry night. The lights blurred into streaks of nothingness, as if he was seeing life flying past him. He felt small again, just some child in a world that would not blink at his absence or injury. He was only sixteen. Granted, he was probably the most adult sixteen year old alive, but still, to most, he was still a child. He wondered what Batman, or rather, Bruce would do right now? His role model always knew what to do. He seemed to never mess up.

Now that he thought about it, Gotham didn't sound all that bad of a place to go to. Maybe he could say hi some time to his surrogate father? His mind hazed his already half closed eyes, the pull becoming dangerously strong. He saw dark suddenly, but didn't mind, knowing they had reached the hidden tunnel that lead to the tower. He could see the occasional light whiz by, flash by flash of yellow light. He finally let his eyes slip shut, knowing he was safe and could rest.

_I'm a disgrace aren't I? So lost._

"""""

The soft rhythmic beeping was the first thing Robin noticed as he came back from his unconscious state. He opened his eyes slowly, glancing around to determine where he was. The familiar view met his eyes of the medical ward of his long time home.

The memories of the night before eluded him, despite the deep pulling that he was forgetting something very important. He slid his hand up to his face, noticing how much his body ached. "I need to stop over doing it..." He whispered, simply telling himself it was a training accident. His fingers wound their way into his black locks, pushing them out of his eyes slightly. Robin's eyes shot wide when he noticed some thing was amiss. His hands shot to his face, feeling the absence of his mask. He sat up strait in an instant.

The teens vibrant blue eyes dilated as a scream bit at the back of his throat. Robin opened his mouth, but no sound would leave as he was put in a new world of pain. He fell to the bed, ignoring the beeping next to him growing dangerously fast. His hands fisted the fabric on the bed, as he tried desperately to relax and let the agony between his legs fade.

_Here I am again._

He was shaking, his breathing labored. His mind raced, asking too many questions to possible answer any. Robin didn't hear the door open to his room nor the quickened steps to his bed side. He kept his eyes shut, his face contorted in pain. It was clear Robin was fighting against screaming. A hand went on Robins shoulder as words were said that didn't reach him.

A few tense minutes passed before Robin finally found piece as the pain ebbed away enough for his mind to re asses his situation. He let his head fall to the side, it feeling far too heavy to keep looking upward. He was panting and covered in sweet from the strain. His head was pulsing with the mother of all head aches.

"Robin..." Came a soft question he barely heard. He ignored the lack of his mask, opening his eyes slowly to see just who it was that was calling him. Crystal blue met worried green. Robin smiled softly. "I'll be alright." He said weakly, not sounding all too convincing by how course his voice was. He didn't dare sit up, knowing all too well what pain that would cause him. Robin went through his mind now that he could think strait, trying to figure out just why he would have such pain there. It was random, if anything. But it was the worst pain he had felt in his life, that's for sure.

He didn't really notice the others tense air around them. He was out of it, that's for sure. "What happened yesterday?" He asked, unaware the mine he just hit. He still couldn't really registrar what he was seeing. The terribly sad look on Starfire's face, nor the barely contained anger from Beastboy and Cyborg. Raven had an odd emotion on the face that was a combination of anger and sadness. No one wanted to step up to the plate and tell their leader about what had happened.

Robin simply gave a dismissive wave of his hand, taking care not to move so much. "I'll worry about that later." He said, his voice still groggy. He wanted to get out of bed, but simply resigned to sit still. "Can some one grab a mask for me?" He asked, not really caring any more that he didn't have one on. They obviously saw his eye color, so there was no reason flipping out about it. Starfire practically ran out the room to grab one for him.

_Lying to myself_

Robin couldn't pin why his senses were so blurred. There was a numbness that was eating at him somewhere that he just couldn't place. He shrugged it away for the moment. He was starting to doze off again until he felt something placed in his hand. He looked at it, seeing the familiar mask. He put it on, his vision getting a different shade thanks to the almost translucent one way eye holes.

He felt more comfortable with the mask, like he was more complete. He hated being Richard truth be told. He was just a normal kid when he was Richard. He was just another face on the street. For some reason, some thing kept bugging him. He couldn't shake it. It was deep inside his stomach, like he was anxious about something. It was a feeling akin to dread and a strong feeling of depression.

He didn't know it, but his team mates were trying to cope. They knew the moment Robin asked about the events of the prior night that he didn't remember what had happened, and truth be told, they didn't want him to. Some thing like that wasn't an easy subject to bring up.

Robin yawned softly, silently telling them it was okay to leave. He knew how awkward it was when he was injured. He was the leader and all, so with out him, they floundered for a bit before Cyborg would step up to the plate and become the temp leader until he was better. As if on que, the others got up and began to file out, each saying some kind of soft get well, or hope you feel better. Robin didn't mind. He snuggled down into the bed a little more before noticing he wasn't alone. Starfire was still present. "Starfire?" He asked softly, wondering what was on her mind.

Starfire bit her lip slightly, knowing the words she needed to say. He needed to know. It was better now when some one was present in case he needed them rather than when he was alone. The alien princess took a slow breath, trying her best to steel her nerves. She sat on the edge of Robins bed, making the team leader confused. The slightest perverted though went through his mind which was soon beat down rather brutally.

_I don't know what to do any more_

"Last night...Slade..." Starfire spoke, trying to find the right words. Robin felt his stomach tie itself in a knot at the mention of Slade. Something told him this was what he was foreboding. "He...He hurt you...Badly..." Starfire told, not wanting to go into detail. She didn't really have to. Robin mind was slowly starting to turn the gears that had shut down due to emotional overload. The memories of last night came in as small trickles. Robin felt himself grow small and turn into this pathetic creature.

The words came to him, those very simply, but painful words. Do you like knowing that I can do this to you? The words rung like a funeral bell, tauntingly reminding him. And now that he though about it, the answer wasn't what he though it would be. The teen felt a terrible shudder tare down his back. He suddenly felt sick. He didn't hold any tact. He simply leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. Starfire couldn't help but to feel guilty. She had forced memories to the surface that she knew Robin didn't want to remember.

_You're haunting me_

Robin's whole body trembled. He could feel Slade's hands feeling parts of him he didn't want touched, doing things he didn't want to happen. And yet, he didn't fight back like he could have. Robin bit back another urge to regurgitate his last meal. He simply gagged, another shudder ripping through him. He kept his head over the edge of the bed. He didn't want Star fire to see him like this. He couldn't stand the thought of what she was seeing. Some one weak and pathetic. A child having an emotional breakdown. He should be stronger than this. He's seen worse things happen.

For god sakes he saw both his parents murdered at five. He should be able to deal with this. Robin felt a hand lightly graze his shoulder. He quickly moved away from the contact. He didn't want her pity. "I'm alright." He said, wiping the edge of his mouth. His words shook, making him curse sharply in his mind. He even sounded weak, on the brink of tears. Starfire didn't take the rejection, putting her hand on Robins shoulder again. This time, the teen didn't shy away, simply letting her do so. If she wanted to, so be it. It wasn't like he could put up much of a fight with his injuries.

Robin swallowed hard, again gagging loudly. He needed to stop thinking about that. Suddenly a loud siren blasted through the building, it sounding like a god send to him. Starfire had no choice but to leave now. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, though she could barely tell because of the mask. But the message was still passed for her to go.

She stood reluctantly before nodded, silently whispering her apology, still feeling the guilt of helping him relive such an ordeal. Robin didn't really care for her apology. It wasn't his concern. He felt the urge to cry far worse now than it was before. He took grip of his mask, taking it off. He refused to cry as Robin. Not now, not ever.

Suddenly, some thing dawned on Robin. His mask was off. His mask had been off. Last night, he hadn't been wearing his mask. He was Richard when Slade had done it. He was only Robin when he wore the mask. At least, that's what he thought. Robin placed his mask back on, His emotional distress ebbing away as he slowly welcomed the thought. So what if he was the one dealing with the pain. Richard was the one who had been taunted. Richard was the one who gave in. Richard was the one who was raped. Not him. He was Robin. They were two different people.

_Look what you're doing to me_

It sounded insane. It was insane, but Robin saw it as sensible answer. He had two names. He went by one with the mask, and went by another without. He had two personalities. As Robin, he was the leader of Teen Titans. He was strong and confident. As Richard, he couldn't lead a pack of bunnies and he had absolutely no back bone. That was definitely two different people.

Robin laid back in his bed a bit more, feeling a wide smile come to his face. He was happy knowing it wasn't him. Despite the clear flaws in his logic, he believed it one hundred percent.

_I'm losing touch again._

"""""

It was late at night by the time the teen Titan's returned to the tower. It was practicably pitch black in the metal fortress. It was actually kinda creepy. "I'll go check on Robin." Starfire offered softly, wondering how he was doing after what she had seen. The team was tired from the battle they had to deal with. Things had went their way, but it was one hell of fight.

The group bid their good bye's as they went their separate ways to get the rest they desperately needed. Despite Starfire being just as tired as the others, she continued to the medical ward. She had seen the way Robin reacted. The way he had been so distraught. She couldn't push away her worries that this might have worse repercussions than the others believed. Presumably, Robin was going to be upset, but she knew him better than the others did. She never said anything about it, but she had seen the smallest glimpses of Robin. She had seen things about him that was...scary.

The red X incident was pushed to the side by the others as a misjudgment, but she knew. Robin didn't just physically wear a mask. The real Robin was much more dangerous than the one he let the others see. He had flaws in his personality that threatened to tare him apart from the inside. It was a ticking time bomb. She feared this event would be the catalyst to set it off. To give root to the insanity she knew was buried deep inside of him.

She stopped outside of the large metal doors to the ward. They seemed to loom over her like the jaws of a hungry beast. She didn't know what was waiting on the other side of the door. The princes took a slow breath, pushing her emotions to the side and forcing all the courage she had forward. She knew she had to see for herself. To see if Robin was still there inside that body, or the other, the darker one had finally emerged.

Robin was half awake. Despite his urges to sleep, his mind pushed away all attempts to. He was too busy sorting things out. He was picking what was Richard's personality, and what was Robin's. He wanted to make the divide clean cut so he would not make mistakes. Every moment of weakness he had, he put into Richard's hands, to be dealt with as his other side saw fit. The moment when a plan worked, when he was an excellent leader, Robin was to be credited. He was making the line cleaner with each conclusion. Slowly, he felt the emotional pain slipping from him as Richard took it away. He knew when he took of his mask, he would have to deal with it. But for now, he would let it be. His musing met its end when he heard the door open to the ward. Absently, he glanced up, finding familiar red locks meeting his view. He smiled softly in greeting, finding her face a much welcome relief.

"Robin?" Starfire asked softly, gazing into the darkness. "Hm?" Robin asked, still finding his throat too sore to make any loud noises. Starfire dared to approach the bed. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly. Robin smiled at the teen. She was beautiful. She really was. He wondered for a moment if Richard liked her, or if he did. The thought was quickly decided. Richard could never have the confidence to even look at someone like Starfire.

_What am I becoming?_

"Better." Robin said truthfully. Starfire smiled a bit at her leader before she sat on the edge of the bed once more. "I'm..." She whispered softly. She wanted to say something, but knew the words could not heal the pain. She felt her fists clench slightly against her skirt, creasing the fabric. "I'm sorry..." She uttered softly, turning her green eyes away from Robins view. The teen smiled softly towards the girl. He moved his hand from beneath the tangled grasp of the blanket slowly, finding the limb sore as well. "For what?" He asked softly.

Starfire felt hot tears coming to her eyes. "For being too...Too late..." She spoke, a sob managing to escape her lips. Her tears paused when she felt Robin's hand take hers, giving it a soft reassuring grip. "You have nothing to be sorry about." Robin said soothingly, a small smile coming to his lips. "I'm okay. I'm alive. It hurt, but I'll heal." He said, trying to comfort her.

_I can't feel the ground beneath my feet, telling me I'm alright_

Starfire spared a sad glance at Robin, giving his hand a squeeze back. His words, despite their initial means, sent her deeper into her sadness. She knew that voice. She had heard it before. When the others had discovered he was red X. The voice was false. Silently speaking words of anger, sadness. And this time, there was something more, something that made her afraid. It was hollow. It lacked the command that made Robin. She didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to let the thought worm its way into her mind, but she already knew.

The Robin she knew as the leader of the Teen Titans. The Robin that always smiled. The Robin she loved...was dead.

_I'm already lost within myself, slipping into the nothingness I've become. I still hear his voice, asking me to listen. But I hide._

_Forgive me, for I'm weak, and must follow my heart._

_Even though it's tearing me to pieces._

**OoOoOoOoO**

Reviews are more appreciated than favorites if truth be told.


	3. The Space Between

I know, I know, it's been years, but I do still live! I've just been busy working on my own private story to dedicate much time for fanfiction. But here it is! A collaborative effort from both Narutodippy's and myself to bring you chapter three of pain!

Disclaimer: I, nor Narutodippy own teen titans.

Warning: Mentions of rape and Suicide. Chances are, if you've made it this far, you already know this isn't a story meant for kids.

**OoOoOoOoO**

**The Space Between**

Day came in black, the copious scores of clouds blocking out the sun. Lightning struck the sky silver in small explosions of plasma. The glow shed its etherial light for a moment of time, freeze framing a boy garbed in green, red, and black. He stood alone in a room as empty and cold as his eyes. His bare hands held clasped between forefinger and thumb a lone mask. Unbridled eyes looked at the thin material as if it were the first time seeing it; looking as if debating something that was impossible. There was a shift in his stance, a flicker of life in wavering sea of gray. It came, then went, leaving the ocean flat and dull.

Another lightning strike, another flash of white, another deafening crash of thunder, and the mask fell to the floor forgotten.

The ambient glow of the overcast sky rung with the aftermath of the electrical display of raw power, shedding its amaranth aura into the gelded prison Robin stood in. The glow filtered in around him and danced among the shadows. He became silhouetted next to the wardrobe he stood before. His shadow fell on it, but his reflection found him. A million tiny version of himself laid in the half broken frame of the shattered mirror. Pieces were scattered along the surface of the wood and strewn to the floor. Blood still lingered on the edges of the fragments, but it had been forgotten. Everything had been forgotten.

A set of gloves, vibrant and green laid overtop each other neatly as if laid out by a doting parent. Below them was a yellow belt bearing many compartments. The gloves were taken first.

With slow mechanical motions, he drew on his gloves, feeling the familiar tingle of fabric along his hands. It dragged along fresh cuts on his knuckles, pulling on raw flesh. A chill reached his spine, but the shiver never came. He was numb to it all.

_Three weeks_

His eyes wavered for a moment. His hand stilled over his belt, as if frozen by it. With an unknown force, his head turned towards the door to his lonely room.

Days gone past filled his mind like fog. Three weeks of interactions. Three weeks of emotional Degeneration. Each moment was clear enough to be happening again in his minds eye. He let them down out the present as he could almost hear Cyborg's voice.

"Robin, you can't be alright with Slade rap-...with what Slade did to you," Cyborg spoke as he stood next to his friend, concern aging his face to years beyond him.

Robin gave another swing at the punching bag, this one considerably harder than the last. The object swung in a large ark, giving a squeaked cry for mercy. A strong arm came out and caught it dead, stopping its wild swing.

"Come on man, talk to me. You've been shut up in your room for days, then all of a sudden you're all smiles like nothing happened." Cyborg let go of the punching bag to step closer to the shorter teen. "It's not natural to bounce back like this,"

Robin glanced at his long time friend, a smile playing on his lips despite the subject at hand. This only fueled Cyborgs concern.

"I told you and every one else already, it was just bruises. Nothing I couldn't heal from and certainly not the worse I ever had," The smile on his face seemed to tilt to one side, as if it were glued on crooked.

Cyborg sighed with a deep rooted exhaustion.

"The bruises aren't what worries me," Cyborg spoke before he set his finger on Robin's brow. "It's the wounds he left here,"

Robin gave a small laugh, shaking away the touch. The way he shied back seemed too fast, too sudden.

"I'm fine Cyborg. What kind of hero would I be if something so trivial broke me?" It had the tone as if it were a joke, but it only served to further heavy the mood. Cyborg felt a tension rippled across him.

"It would make you human Robin," He set his hands on the smaller teen shoulders. He could remember only a few days ago how cold and limp they had been. How close to death this person before him was.

"No one expects you to be fine. No one wants you to pretend everything is alright,"

That smile, the infuriatingly fake smile, didn't waver. It seemed to only grow. Robin reached up, pushing Cyborgs hold off him with a casual nudge.

"I'm fine Cyborg." that smile twisted and his eyes sunk in, the hollow glimmer becoming fathomless. "Just fine,"

Then he was back. He felt his heart beat, his steady even breathing. He turned his eyes down to the dresser and what was left for him. Three weeks that had led up to this moment.

He picked up the lone yellow belt that was set on his wardrobe. It was light this time. Empty of everything. There was a soft click as it clasped around an oddly thin frame. It hung slightly to the side, lopsided on its bearer.

The rain beyond the window began to fall. The first few drops made small gray patches on the glass. In a torrent they blocked out the world, hushing it all away Soon those drops became rivers and the sky began to sob.

It created such a calm sound, like a mother shushing away a child's worries. Then came a brilliant flash of blinding light and the deafening rumble of thunder that made the earth shy back. The sound didn't seem to find him. The wild storm pressed against the glass, but could not wrap its wild hand around him. He was distant from this world and all its activity.

Pail listless orbs drifted away from the world to the room he had become familiar with in the past hour or so. It was immaculate. He had gone through absently and cleaned it of any life. The bed had been stripped bare and set with new sheets. His desk was barren, anything that had once been there either burned or thrown away. Life itself was gone from this room. It made his mind wander again.

_In three weeks you ripped me up_

What would they think, he wondered. What would they do? Question pulled at him. Greedy little things, tickling the edge of his mind, teasing at what little was left of him. They tried to bring something out, tried to scratch past the surface, but there was nothing left to bleed.

_And tore me down._

He turned his shrouded eyes to the gray sky expanding out to him, whispering him name, calling for him. He breathed. He stood there an inhaled it, the taste of what was to come.

_Now i'm in so many pieces_

His feet took him. He moved like a man drawn by stings. He wasn't aware of his world. He didn't feel himself going down the stairs to the docking bay, nor him sitting on his bike. The world was misted over, blotted out by a fog of regrets. Was he going to do this? Was he going to follow through with this subconscious decision? They were questions he didn't find a voice to answer. He took up his helmet and put it on, then drove off.

_I can't find myself in them any more. _

It was cold and gray. It was noon, but day never seemed to have come. It was dark, darker outside than it had been in his room, but never would it be as black as his mind.

_Is this what i'm supposed to be_

His bike set lights of red streaking behind him as an after image. A lone animal he rode on, ignorant of the chill of the rain or its fierce bite on his skin. It ripped across him, tried to tear him apart. He rode through it, his fingers going numb. His arms quivered, but it wasn't from the cold.

_I don't want to ask this_

The roads were barren. It was just him here, just him existing in this lonely world where time no longer played a roll. He sunk into it. He let it wrap it's arms around him and compress until he had no breath to spare. It made his mind hazy. It let more of his demons out to play.

_I don't want to face this._

Raven's voice was so clear to him, like the moment was playing again. He remembered her coming into his room, her eyes rimmed with sleeplessness while he had barely stirred. He had heard he come in, but he didn't want to face her, didn't want to look at her. Why had she come to look at him when he had shed his mask, when there was nothing to hide behind.

"Robin?" He wanted to tell her to go away. He pulled the covers closer to his hair and never come out, but that would never do. He reached from beneath the folds of navy blue and found the one thing that could protect him from her. He put on his mask.

The rush of the fabric on his skin was like a shot of endorphins, a blow to his system. The lethargic state peeled away and he came to the surface. That's what he kept saying, praying even.

"Yes?" He asked. He felt a weight on the edge of his bed and the silence that fell with it. He rolled over, his brow arched beneath the black mask he hid behind as the shield it was.

He saw the sadness in her eyes. There was nothing that she could hide from him here, nothing that could slip away into the darkness of his fading grasp of reality. He was after all, Robin, not Dick.

"I'm...No, we're worried about you," The words made an odd feeling try to come to the surface. Somehow Robin knew it did not belong to the person he put forward and buried it as it came. Instead, he smiled that god awful smile.

"There's nothing to be worried about. I'm fine," Raven heard the practice in his voice, the denial. She farrowed her brows, glared at him even. It was the same response, the same words he spewed at them again and again, trying to make it seem like everything was okay when it wasn't! She rose from the bed in a storm of motion, her eyes hot with righteous anger. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop pretending your okay! You're not okay!"

_There's no telling what i'll do when this is over. _

The rev of his motor cycle brought him back to the world. The thunder told him he had arrived at his destination. His eyes drifted to one side, observing the landscape he had taken himself to. Where was he, when had he come here?

It was the bridge, large and spanning, either end lost in a mist that cut him off from the rest of the world. He knew though, he understood why he was here. He felt it in his bones, like the cold of the rain seeping down his spine.

He heard Beast Boy in the rain. He heard him walking by his room, never daring to face the terrible reality of what had happened.

_No telling what I'll do right now_

He dismounted his bike. He let it fall to one side. The engine gave a small sputter at the abuse then continued to hum softly. It faded out. The world drifted away spare for the small circle around him. He remembered Starfire in the perfect little circle. He remembered her smile, her laugh, her cries for him to wake up, to stop pretending. He could feel her arms on his shoulders, begging him to come back to her, screaming until the sound of her sobs stopper her voice from making sense. He remembered holding her in his arms, trying to calm her down, trying to tell her he was fine, that tears were not necessary. He was alive he told her, he was well, breathing.

He took another step forward, coming to the edge of the walkway. The ocean was down below. So far bellow.

_Maybe I am crazy_

He took hold of the guide rail before he climbed over it. He could hear the storm, the ocean waiting for him so very far down.

_Maybe I am Suicidal_

Starfire's lips were always so soft. She wasn't human, but he didn't care. He cared for her, and that was nice.

_Maybe I just want to be me for once_

But what happened to it being enough? What happened to her hand holding him making things really be okay? When had her kiss turned to ash and left something bitter inside him? When had he stopped looking at her like he loved her? When had his eyes wandered to someone else so much worse?

_But who am I to ask for such things?_

He wanted her back. He wanted his lifer back. He wanted things to go back to the way they were, before Slade, before the teen titans, before Batman, before the circus, before he ever existed. He wanted to stop existing, stop breathing, stop being something that ever was.

_Who am I to want something that I know I don't deserve_

He hung his head and looked towards the water peaking its wanton eye through the shroud of the mist and rain. He saw the waves lapping at the edge of the support. It was a distance he could barely grasp. He knew he would have time to think on the way down, time to breath, time to enjoy it.

_I know I haven't earned it _

He felt a vibration at his hip. It buzzed over and over, like the quivers of a coming earthquake. He looked down and smiled. His communicator lit up again, another buzz as his friends tried to find him. He realized now that they had been calling him for the past few minutes. He took the device off his hip, twisted it over in his hand a few times, then let it go.

He watched it fall to the water below.

He looked up into the rain and let it hide his tears. He smiled at it, and the sky smiled back with a streak of silver staining the sky.

_Robin_

He took a slow deep breath and closed his eyes.

_Dick_

He moved closer to the edge, his toes dangling towards the edge of oblivion.

_Who are they?_

He leaned forward.

_Who am I?_

And then he heard Slade's voice. It stopped him cold, froze him on the lip of the bridge. He heard those words, that lone sentence that kept him from doing it, kept him still a second more. I hope to do this again. Slade wanted to do it again.

Slade wanted him and that was finally enough for him.

_Where is the line that breaks it all down?_

_**OoOoOoOoO**_

A short Chapter I know, but I thought some suspense would be nice. Does he jump? What about the team, what will Slade's influence have on Robin!? Tune in Next update to find out!

And please review. It really does mean allot to me and Narutodippy.


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